A tale of two Gitas

 

    Well it’s actually Gita and Geetha. The former is the Holy Gita, the discourse by Krishna to Arjuna when Arjuna was shying away from a rightful battle. The latter is my beautiful Mother who also specializes in discourses to Arjun! They both have had very powerful yet contrasting influences on me as I grew up. Here I explain what most parents expect of their children when contrasted with what the scripture says (My interpretation).

Purpose of Life

     Gita told me it’s Moksha (Enlightment)! Follow a path of Dharma (living true to yourself) and I will attain my purpose. I am to introspect and meditate on life, divinity and myself. Through constant consistent practice I shall come upon my purpose.

     Geetha told me my purpose was to lead a good life. A happy home, a good job, a wonderful family and everything else that is associated with a person who society considers as successful.

Of God

     Geetha tells me God is kind and powerful. Think of God as a person who can put your mind at ease and bring you happiness. Ask him to guide you. Before you do anything naughty or evil, pray for a second.

     Gita tells me God is like the steam in the engine of a train. A source of power that helps you reach where you want to reach: to a major tragedy or blissful existence!

Of Prayer

     Gita tells me prayer is a means of organizing ones thoughts.

     Geetha tells me it’s like a little child asking things of its parents.

Principles

     Geetha told me to do good things to others and myself. Make people happy. Do right things, the ones accepted by the society.

     Gita told me there aren’t any. I form my principles based on my Dharma. My Dharma is my law of being.
     Follow the scripture or my mother? Such are the pangs of deep agony I find myself entwined in. There are many more contrasting choices that I hope to put up in “A tale of two Gitas – part 2”.
 

Worry Fire

    I refer to the 'worry fire' as a fire that most of us at times have. Sometimes we start the fire by ourselves. But most of the time, external circumstances kindle the fire and we efficiently add fuel to it.

AJ Case

    Consider the candidate AJ. He has secured admission at one of the top schools for a particular subject. Yet he is not completely confident he should take it up. There are reservations which he cannot pin point. Since he cannot pin point them he cannot evaluate them. This further complicates matters and feeds the worry fire. He enters a vicious loop where worrying about the worrying factor ends up as a worrying factor!

    Once this loop has been reached no rational choices can be made. Every action is based on emotion. More often than not at this stage each of these actions turns out to be a wrong one. So what can be done?

   One option is to ask many people and help them decide for him. But this option is intrinsically flawed as it would only complicate matters with more choices to wade through. Another approach is to delay the decision and hope that the problems would work themselves out. This is a sure fire approach to doomsday. In the end he might end up shooting from the hip and shoot himself.

Putting out the fire    

   The approach is to begin listing down the negatives and the positives. In other words the negative aspects of a particular choice verses the positive outcomes. There are many variations of this simple approach that you need to adopt specific to your situation. If it is evaluating a choice proceed as above. If it is about an action then; gains verses the risks. If it's a person then the good traits verses the bad ones. The list goes on. Apropos to the situation build this list.

   Coming back to AJ. The positives include

1. Major career boost
2. Very important contacts
3. International exposure
4. Prospects of a higher paying salary after the course

   There might be many more, but these are the most obvious ones.

The negatives/risks include

1. Prospect of not finding a job
2. Prospect of not obtaining a visa
3. Prospect of not being able to find funds

   Again this list can also be extended but for our purposes it will suffice.

   The next step is to analyze the negatives and mitigate the risks.

1. This can be reduced if AJ works at establishing powerful contacts who can help him in finding a job.
2. This can be mitigated by meticulously following the procedure for obtaining a visa.
3. This step should ideally have been performed even before the admission stage. AJ has been fortunate enough to do so.

     By doing so he has a clear set of actions that need to be taken to ensure that he doesn't self fuel his worry fire.

     Now since the worry factor is eliminated, AJ does not add any more fuel to his fire. He can start focusing on the actionables. The same can be adopted when you don't know exactly what is an "undesirable element in your current situation". Use the above approach to solve your problems.

Smile my darling smile

Ok! So I fell in love with a girl’s smile!! U heard me right… Her ‘Smile’!

Smile my darling smile,
Hold my hand for a while!
I love your pristine rosy lips,
Oh! How I yearn for a kiss!

Like the sunbeam on a morning spreads,
Cover your face with a brilliant smile,
Show your lovely pearly whites,
Turn my sorrows into bile.

On a clear and dark mystery night,
The moon rises in an orange light.
Scampering behind a wayward cloud,
When you thought it never would.

On your soft and beauty face,
Your smile assumes a godly grace,
Hidden behind your fingers,
For a while there it lingers.

Psychoanalysis of a modern pervert

 Normally the word ‘pervert’ has a negative connotation to it. The last thing, whether a guy or a girl, you want to be called used to be ‘a pervert’. It used to refer to those people who think dirty or do quite a few socially unacceptable things. They mostly make people go ‘Eyeue’!

 But as society moves forward and times change many of those perverted things are becoming things that you are proud of. I know a person who browsed keyholes looking for action in the rooms and is proud of it. The fact that he is weird enough to try out and cool enough to admit it makes him a real cool dude among friends. Today’s society admires people who are open and not embarrassed to admit their idiosyncrasies.

 People try to act and look different. Coloring your hair, piercing your ear, and doing bizarre things are all attempts at being someone else. The metro sexual pervert is also such a case. The actions are all a cover up for an attempt at being unique. Oddity is in and mundane is out.
 
 Consider the case of Abhi. He is a fantastic dude who is really funny and has a great personality. He can speak amazing and wins a lot of personality contests. This guy is proud of admitting on stage that he doesn’t wear any underwear. The judge asked him to prove it and he was about to do it!!! That attitude got him the first prize. He is proud of his underwear-less nature and so are his friends, both guys and girls. Previously people of polite upbringing consider such behavior as perverted. But not anymore.

 The above cases are both of guys. But the girls are not far behind. I know a person who threatens guys by telling them that she will dismantle their productive potential. Previously such a person would be looked down by the society. But not anymore! Now people admire her courage and innovative approach of keeping unwanted guys at bay!

 The conclusion of the above article is that the modern pervert is no longer ostracized or criticized. (S)he is admired for being a pervert. He should be looked at as a bridge to a more open society. Which is a good thing. So the next time you think of a person as a pervert in a negative way pause a moment and evaluate it from a different angle. Try to look at patterns. Maybe it is just a superficial attempt at a different personality, while the underlying nature is very normal.
 

Between You and me…

This poem is not about anyone in particular or about my twisted mindset. Poetic creativity overcame me when I wrote it.

Build a wall or so I thought,
Between me and my friend,
I knew the words often told,
“Friends will hurt you the most”.

Bury the feelings deep beneath,
Lest they should reflect on your face,
I’ve learnt to hide with brilliant ease,
And cover my heart with silent wreath.

Anger can be kept at bay,
And send hurt on its way,
Lie and often twist the truth,
Subdue the hate and loose a tooth.

I can’t be someone else but me,
I like myself the way I see,
I know I have a million faults,
But if I change I’ll loose my bolts.

We have often met for tea,
Went to places yet to see,
Watched the moon by the sea,
I don’t want to loose m’dentity!

I had sworn never to get so close,
To someone and risk to loose,
My thoughts, my senses and my time,
All for what I often whine.

Punjabi Girl

This is a step away from my normal writing. But I am sure you will enjoy it.  The history behind this poem is that there was this Panjabi Girl(as assumed by my friend), who looked absolutely fabulous. I had to write a poem about her!!

She has sworn to make me moan,
Her beauty surpasses even the moon,
Lucid eyes look deep into my soul,
A touch of softness on her whole.

A glimpse of her makes me smile,
And I bear it for a while,
She walks in radiance of the night,
And I watch her till sunlight!

Where she’s from I have no clue,
An angel born to make me blue,
Her hair is wavy and it rides,
On her back as she glides.

I feel her pain or it seems,
When I hold her with my eyes
Her cheeks are full and lips ever pout,
A kiss is what they need the most!

Her eyes speak of sadness in the past,
I feel their longing in my heart,
Her frame is gentle and it curves,
A treat to behold when she moves.

But she doesn’t know my name,
Forever we’ll play this game,
I’ll hold the memory of her face,
In my heart; I confess!

The Happy Trick.

      My previous few articles were all about how you can lie, deceive and cheat others. Though this may sound controversial I would like to stress that deception when used for a good cause is a very powerful tool. I acknowledge the negative aspect to it, but would like to stress on the positive side.

     This article is on how you can trick yourself into becoming happy. Consider the following situation Kapish found himself in. He wrote the following in his diary to help himself out.

      ” I am sad. I know that for sure. Part of it I brought onto myself. It is a beautiful Sunday morning and yet I cannot smile. I don’t have anything to look forward to in the future and I don’t like what I am doing now. A perfect combination to be sad! Yet I know that by the time I finish writing this I will be happy again. I know how to trick myself to becoming happy! If I chose my goal as being happy I will succeed, for I know I can get there! But is that what I should be doing? For if I trick myself into being happy, temporarily I will be happy but soon I will be sad again because the parameters that made me sad have not changed.“

Happy Strategy

      Before we analyze his predicament I will show you how to trick yourself into being happy. Think of something you want in life. It could be like “I want to have my own company”. Then you write down the steps that will take you there.

     1. Talk to people who have their own business
     2. Read autobiographies of people who started successful enterprises
     3. Read case studies about successful companies
     4. Constantly search and implement ideas that might work
     5. Constantly think of ways to move towards your goal.

     Now that you have a plan for the future focus your attention on the present. Pick up steps from the above list and start trying out today. Be careful to substitute these activities with those that had made you sad. For example if you are worried that you spend considerable amount of idle time in office or college, sneak a book in and read during that time. It is perfectly all right so long as that book is inline with your goal.

     This process is called effective substitution. Substitute depressing activities with happy ones. However, choosing the happy one should be done with your end in mind so that this good ‘high’ can last. Otherwise your own ideal self will kick in and make you sad all over again. The happy activities that you undertook get wasted and come under the category of sad ones.

Example:

      Your goal is to do an MBA in the next one year. However instead of studying every Saturday three hours for the exam you spend the time hanging out with friends at the movies. The time you spend made you really happy. You had a good time. But the next day you don’t see any point in it. You feel as though you wasted your time. Depression kicks in.

Assumed and Actual Goals

     Now coming back to Kapish’s predicament. He can trick himself using the above strategy and be happy temporarily. It might even make him feel as though he is moving in the direction of his goal, which was to be happy. He assumes a goal, Assumed Goal, to help him move towards his Actual goal. The Actual goal is to be happy and the Assumed goal is to go for the MBA.

     The only problem in the above strategy is what happens if Kapish did work hard at moving towards his assumed goal and yet did not succeed. Then will he be sad? Since his Actual goal was to be happy he discards the former Assumed goal and assumes a new one. He finds new goals, new steps and new activities that will keep him on an eternal high. He thus iterates through the Happy Strategy.

     My goal in writing this article is not to exhort you to choose being happy as your goal. The idea is to be aware of how the happy strategy works in happy individuals and to be aware of this tool that you can use whenever you are feeling down.

           
 

Split Personality!

     This article is not about those schizophrenics who live many lives unintentionally, and often require medical aid. However, this is about how each and every one of us projects many fronts intentionally. If you do not display multiple faces to different people then I feel that you are not living life to the fullest. By putting in a little more effort all of us can learn how act differently with different people.

     I know the question that is popping up in your mind. Why on earth should you put up faces? How the hell do you know what face to adorn and when. Is it even all right to be different people all at the same time? Isn’t that downright evil?

     I know! There are lots of questions and this is only a small list. So lets take it question by question.

First Question’s Answer
 
     To answer this question you need to be first sure of one thing. It is part of your goals to have a good relationship with others. If it isn’t then this article isn’t going to help. Now you want to have a good relationship with another person, but at the same time you are not exactly the kind of person she likes. But if you change to become that kind of a person then you might become the kind of person someone else doesn’t like. So what is the solution here? Split personality! Act different with different people.
This calls for an example!

Example
 
     Characters are Krsih, Rahul and Deepti. From my previous article on Realizing your Realization you are only too familiar with Rahul and Deepti. Anyway, to refresh your memory, Deepti is a very nice and simple girl who finds it difficult to hang around people who live a wild life. She prefers a calm and quite evening to a fun filled, adventurous mid-night booze party.

     Krish is the straight opposite. He lives to drink and drinks to live. He loves zooming on his bike at 2 A.M in the morning. He likes adventure sports and hangs around people who you wouldn’t dare tell your parents about. Krish likes Rahul because Rahul is ready to give him company at these parties.

     Deepti likes Rahul!! Because Rahul is ready for a quiet evening with Deepti talking about books and religion.

     Intuitively we would expect Krish to never be with Rahul if he were the kind of person who reads or talks about religion.

Normally we would expect Rahul to have a choice. He could be saying.

 “From now on I will educate myself about religion and books. I will spend more time with Deepti. I can’t keep up with the fast life that Krish leads.”

Or he could say

 “Who cares about Deepti? She’s like this Miss goody two shoes. I’d rather be with Krish at those parties where all the girls hang around.”

Face off

     This is where the first question answers itself. Deepti and Krish are both important to Rahul. He wants a good relationship between each of them. Rahul makes a conscious choice to act differently with each of them. It works. They are both happy, so is he! Different faces for different people.

Second Question’s Answer

     You need to adorn different faces when you share relationships with people with conflicting personalities. Now the question is what face do you adorn. You should pick faces according to the person with whom you are spending time. Now that, you would agree is not tough. Most of us know what our friends like and dislike. Realization again comes to help here in figuring out which face to pick. However, even if you have low levels of realization you can still try out a face to start with. Collect feedback and change your face accordingly.

Example
 
     Anil is this techno savvy nerd who is also really cool. He met Krish recently. Since they both work in the same company, Anil started with a techno face.  They mostly talked about technology and company policies. Later Anil learnt about Krish’s wild parties. Since Anil also liked these parties he changed his face and started talking about music and dance and dope. The relationship improved to a new level.

Third Questions Answer

     It is all right to have many faces. All of us do it. We just don’t realize it. A boy acts differently with a girl when compared to another guy. An employee acts differently with a manager when compared to a subordinate. There are many more real life examples that you yourself can fill in.

     When we become aware of how we act differently then we can exploit it further by tailoring that to a person’s likes and dislikes. This is why it is important for us to learn how pick faces and be open enough to try it out. It a very exciting process that yields ample results that can be measured in improved relationship, personal benefits (Anil gets to go to Krish’s party) and basically more fun.
 

Information Misuse?

            This article is on how to cheat and take advantage of others. The pillars on which cheating rests are the following

 1. Lying or Twisting the truth
 2. Providing Erroneous information or Withholding information

            A practitioner of cheating would easily spot that this is not very easy to do. One reason why people don’t cheat as often as they should do is because of personal principles. The other reason is of course fear of getting caught. I believe that the former reason is a primary cause for why people don’t always cheat.

            Now what if you want to cheat. If you have good principles and you have been well brought up, then generally you find that your principles hold you back from cheating. For example you have been taught that you should never copy during an examination. This has been drilled into your head for 15 years. Naturally the first time the thought enters your mind you are filled with guilt for having even thought of cheating.

            Similar is the case with lying. Conventionally we have been told that we should not lie. So when we do lie, we are filled with remorse; sometimes even to the point that we confess later to the person to whom we lied. The whole point is lost! Pathetic.

            So if you do want to lie and not feel guilt in the process, this article will help. The first step in effective lying is to convince yourself that what you say is not a lie. Let it slowly sink into you that twisting the truth is O.K. and lying is not. Then make a claim that you will never lie in your life. Feel free to twist the truth from now on. So what is the difference between lying and twisting the truth?

Scenario 1

            You have chocolates with you, which you do not want to share. This audacious guy come up to you and asks you “Do you have chocolates”. It’s a lie if you say “No I don’t”. This is a ludicrous example but it does bring out the point. If you don’t say that, then you might have to give him the chocolate. If you do say that then you feel guilty that you had to lie. Is there another option here?

            There most certainly is. Why don’t you try to lead the conversation as follows?

A.G: “Do you have chocolates?”

M.T: “Why do you ask?”

A.G: “Coz I want one!”

M.T: “Sorry, you will have to ask someone else. When you get them please give me a few”

            Here the conversation is between a master twister and an audacious guy. MT is able to make AG believe that he doesn’t have chocolates, when he said nothing of that sort. He believes that it was AG’s fault to be dumb enough to not read the info properly. Notice how M.T did not answer the question.

Scenario 2

            Harry has been sent from OrgCom to the company NewPlace, where he is not happy. He tells his manager at OrgCom to take him out. His manager tells him that he can be taken out if he gives a reason at NewPace why he wants to leave. Harry is the kind of guy who doesn’t like to lie. Twisting the truth is acceptable to him. He can’t give the real reason because the guys at NewPlace will not understand. So what is the solution? Information Misuse!!

Harry: “Sir, I have to leave by the end of this week because of an emergency”

NewPlace Manager: “What happened? I hope everything is fine”

Harry: “Well, my parents are thinking about moving to NewCity from OldCity. Since they are old, I might have to help them move. For that I am planning to take a couple of weeks off. I know that will jeopardize the work here. That’s why I am willing to stay a week longer and help with the transfer of technology.”

            Can you notice the key words here? ‘Thinking’, ‘Might’ and ‘Planning’. These words are employed with the intention of making NewPlace manager believe that it’s going to happen. While Harry tells himself that ‘Thinking’ is alright, and need not be executed. Might talks of probability and has 50% chance of not happening. ‘Planning’ is of course planning only.

Twisted Truths 

           Thus we can notice a pattern associated with twisting the truth. The pattern is to withhold the information you have (by not saying you have chocolates or giving the actual reason as to why you want to leave) or to use probability words. To win the person to your side add another line at the end. Like MT did. “When you get them please give me a few”. This adds credibility to your twist of truth. Harry also used the line “I know that will jeopardize the work here. That’s why I am willing to stay a week longer and help with the transfer of technology.” This also serves another purpose. The discussion is led away from the original question. It almost always helps the twister.

            So we come back to the main point in the article. How do you convince yourself that you are not lying? The answer is to twist the truth. Use probability words. These help you in not lying and at the same time lead the listener in a different direction.To make the person believe that you are not lying and add another line in the end of your pitch to give credibility to your lie.

            Now this article is not just about how to lie effectively, it’s also about how to recognize liars. Suspect people who use a lot of probability words and who try to give you more information than you asked for. A combination of both will definitely point towards a liar.

 

 

Realizing your Realization

              My friend recently remarked about another guy: “He has realization!” “That’s a weird grammatical construct”, I told him. That’s when he proceeded to define Realization in a non-conventional way.

              Realization is a measure of a person’s ability to understand how a fellow human being reacts in a particular situation. Realization is a very potent tool that can be employed to twist situations to avoid friction. If you have high levels of realization then you will be able to figure out most people. To understand the concept further lets analyze a few real life case studies.

              Before making sense of the examples we need some basics. The simple definition of Realization is

                 “The ability of a person to understand another person”

              Realization level is a unit to measure Realization. It is expressed as Rl. Intuitively if A’s Rl is greater than B’s then A knows B better than B knows A. Realization levels make sense only if they are approached from a relative angle.

Example 1

              The characters are Rahul and Deepti. They are both very nice people and went to college together and have a wonderful platonic relationship. Rahul is this adventurous, boisterous character who would give everything one try. Deepti on the other hand is calm, receptive and mostly mellowed down. She is an epitome of what most girls should be. You would rarely hear a cruel word from her. As can be expected Rahul swears, drinks, smokes and does most of the things that are considered socially unacceptable. Though he is not addicted to any of this and claims that he can stop at any time, he still tries them out. Deepti, being Deepti, does not approve of any of this but still does not censure Rahul. Mostly because, she thinks that what she says is not going to have any impact. Rahul can be described as an assortment of everything that Deepti disapproves.

              You would expect Deepti to hate Rahul with all her guts. Never to hang around him. At least try to change him and then if that does not succeed ask him to get lost. Right?

              Wrong! Actually they are good friends. How is that possible? This is where Realization comes into play. Let me ask you a question. For this relationship to work who needs more realization?

              If you answered Deepti then you are wrong again! Rahul needs more. Because he is the one who is doing all that Deepti doesn’t want him to do and is yet able to make her happy. So what is Rahul doing right that we don’t know.

              For starters he figured out Deepti. He knows what she likes and what she doesn’t. Though Deepti doesn’t tell him directly, he is constantly reading her expressions and emotions. Based on this information he can figure out how he should act when he is around her. Weekly they spend about an hour together. During that time he doesn’t swear, smoke or drink. Also Deepti appreciates the effort he is putting to make her happy. The result: A beautiful relationship.

Example 2

              Now it’s erroneous to assume that Realization is only employed so that you can get away with doing unacceptable things. The above example is a very practical benefit of Realization. Lets look at a situation where Realization is imperative.

              You come home late one day from work or college. Lets assume that you are staying with your wife or parents. I hope that you have enough Realization to figure out that in most cases they would not appreciate you coming home drunk and sprawling yourself on the front porch. Lets move beyond that. Suppose you are sober, just late. And being late from work applies to both men and women. After working hard for a legitimate reason the last thing you need is a lecture at home on why you shouldn’t kill yourself working so hard.

             What is the typical reaction when this lecture starts? You tell them off. You tell them that they don’t appreciate you working hard to build a career or a home. Bring home enough money. Assuming that they have low Realization levels, they misinterpret your intention and feel hurt. They can’t understand what you were trying to get at. Which was “ Please leave me for some time, I need some rest.” If you also share the same Realization levels with them, then you can’t understand why they were hurt. They were hurt because the lecture was all about showing that they appreciate your hard work and they love you. A big fight ensues. Avoiding the fight would have been simple if someone one had a higher Realization than the other.

Absolute verses Relative Realization

              The above example brings us to the next topic. When two parties are involved, can we avoid fights if one party has a higher Realization than the other? Most often the answer is no! Not only should you have a higher Realization level than them but also you should have a high level of Realization. Your Relative Realization should be greater than that of the person with whom you are interacting. This ensures that you know that person more than she knows you. This means that you can handle her and twist the situation in your favor in such a way that you also make her happy. Your Absolute Realization level should be high so that you can figure out the person to a greater extent. The greater the extent to which you figure a person out the greater the extent to which you can make her happy. Consequently greater is your control over the situation.

              Realization is the key to employ Stephen Covey’s think win-win strategy. In any fight or situation look at maximizing your gain while making the other person happy.

              My next article will talk about how to increase your Realization levels. And Yes it can be done.